Seventeen: Physical Fitness (08-02-2022)
Thanks to social media, the value of physical fitness and frequent exercise has never been more apparent. A constant barrage of chiseled, muscular, unbelievably fit men is ever present on Instagram's explore page, and many of these men are ardent supporters of seemingly unobtainable lifestyles, complete with strict diets and rigorous weightlifting regiments. Where the influencer once served only as a pedestal-topping figure of unachievable happiness, opulence, and lifestyle coordination, the consumer's interest has shifted to how they can acquire a modicum of the things that the influencers on their social media feeds enjoy. Now- many fitness influencers share their knowledge, their diets, and their workout routines atop regular motivational content and branded sponsorships. Today, I'm going to cash in on this craze and offer my set of workout tips and tricks, but first: some quick tips to fix your diet.
It's often been said that you can eat whatever you want and still lose weight. Weight loss is an enormous industry, and major corporations, brands, and mail-based diet plans want to keep the secret from you that you can lose weight without eating bland, unappetizing food. In fact, weight loss can best be achieved by eating fast food, for one simple reason: free refills. Try this: order anything you want from Taco Bell. A good go-to would be 2 Cheesy Gordita Crunches, a Nachos Bellegrande, 2 Doritos Locos Tacos Meal (important: this comes with a drink and Cinnamon Twists), a Beefy Melt Burrito, a Spicy Potato Taco, Chips and Nacho Cheese, and a Chicken Chipotle Melt. While the food is being made, take that very important drink cup to the soda machine and fill it up with Diet Baja Blast, and drink it. Repeat ad nauseam until ill, full, or so wired on caffeine that heart pains restrict movement. You'll now realize you've been destroying your body with processed meat by products and high-sodium sauces, and likely not eat for a good deal of time.
The next step beyond destroying your body with delicious fryulated food is to destroy it with weights and movement, so that it can make use of the food you eat to rebuild even stronger. Many influencers will have their audience believe that the key to physical fitness is frequent weightlifting, varying intensities of cardiovascular and aerobic exercise, and "progressive overload" to force muscles to grow bigger. They will attempt to dispel myths like spot-burning fat and shocking muscles for faster growth, but unfortunately, these are the lies of the fitness industry designed to get the unwashed masses hooked on ineffective programs while the best progress could be made much quicker. By shocking muscles, that is, pushing them well beyond their limit once every week or so, they will increase in size much more rapidly.
Some good exercises for muscle shocking are dead lifts, which are best done with the back bent forward and knees locked, which directs most of the weight through the joints, where muscles act. Bench press is good too, but making sure to keep a close grip and feet off the floor will force the body to make more minute adjustments and better train your balance. Any other rapid movement exercises, like punching with dumbbells, carrying a plate around the gym, skull crushers (place the weight to the side when done!) and mini reps of any given exercise, will also help in this method. It's also important to rest frequently, to give the muscles time to recover between sets, exercises, and sessions. 1-5 minutes between sets, 10-15 between exercises, and 5-7 days between gym sessions will allow the body to recover and grow more consistently.
One thing foolish fitness influencers spout that actually rings true is patience, as results don't appear immediately, and for some they never do. Being satisfied with your body is important, and although it can take years to become physically intimidating, it is well worth the patience. With the aforedescribed program, and some discipline and patience, you'll eventually reach the desired state of causing women to hold their car keys as makeshift brass knuckles in parking lots, your parents cowering in fear when you make dinner, and your friends distant and unreachable.