Ten: Guest Writer (07-21-2022)
Listen up maggots: this one's for the babies. If you, the reader, are over the age of 7, it's best you stop reading lest you discover the secret inner workings of infantile society, the dense politics of the youngest members of society. There's not going to be googoos and gagas here, only nuanced discussion of the pressing issues facing the youth of today. I'd like to show appreciation to our guest writer this week, who I was told would need to be left unnamed because of something about kids or whatever but I'll happily take credit in his absence.
Dad always stops at the liquor store before he takes me to school but today he went to the bar and he's been in there for so long but it's okay because I have my LeapPad and he left his phone in here and I'm chewing it. I play a lot of my LeapPad but the other kids say very hurtful things about it because they all have iPads and iPhones and the teacher does Tiktok dances on her phone and they watch them and stuff. I told my dad that everyone has an iPhone and he said to ask Mom but she said that he's the one who is supposed to make money and if he wants his kid to have an iPad to play on when he can't even read then Dad should get a better job or actually try at his job and get a raise or something.
I told dad that Mom was mad about him being lazy and he said that was typical then said bad words and told me not to tell her or anyone at school. When he picks me up from school he likes to honk his horn over and over and he whistles at my teacher then tells me not to tell my mom about it. He showed me my teacher doing dances on his phone and that's why everyone at school watches that too because I told them about it even though my dad said not to. In class everyone else is on their phone or iPad all day and the teacher is usually dancing and stuff and she doesn't really care but I don't have an iPad so I can't watch videos and stuff so I usually play the word game on my LeapPad but when it runs out of battery no one has a LeapPad charger so I have to read books and stuff and they all say I'm being creepy for reading and stuff and I have to talk to the special teachers in the small classrooms.
Sometimes when I read books and stuff I find out stuff that I didn't know but the teachers say I won't make friends like that so they send me to the special teachers and the special teachers sometimes send me home or tell me I need to make friends and not read books and stuff. They told my dad that most kids make friends by having an iPad and watching videos so he told my mom but she said that he shouldn't get me an iPad when she doesn't even have one then he said that she should get a job if she wants to buy stuff. I asked the teacher at school why my mom doesn't have a job and she said that women don't need jobs to be a complete women but that it helps and that's why she has a job and does dances on her phone while me and the other kids play on our iPads. But I don't play on an iPad I read books and stuff because my LeapPad doesn't always work.
I read one book and it said that some kids great great great grandparents had to work for the other kids great great great grandparents and they didn't even get paid. I asked my teacher about this and she said that it's why my life is so good but I said my life wasn't so good because my parents yell a lot and don't even make dinner sometimes and she said that was better than the other kids because they have to deal with simtactic racism and that I need to help stop it but I don't even know what that is and the other kids say stuff about me reading books so I don't want to anymore.
When I think about not having an iPad and stuff and books and stuff I get sad but I guess since the other kids have racism I shouldn't be too said and my dad lets me sit in the car when he gets beer and whiskey and stuff so. But I want to read books but they say mean stuff and my teacher just does dances or tells me to go to the special teacher and sometimes the special teacher does dances and one time she made me do them too. I want to go into the bar with my dad now because it's hot in this car but he said that if I wait his problems will stop so I'm going to wait and when he gets back I'll go to school and tell the teacher that I'm not going to read books and that my dad got me a iPad because his problems went away.
-Guest writer